On a previous blog I've already looked at our COVID situation through the eyes of an expert. We were still at the beginning then, with many uncertainties. Now we're getting a vaccine. If all goes well, we can all go out again soon. At least, if we still feel like it.
What is striking, in fact, is the growing contrast between people who support the current policy and another group that has completely lost faith in it. Everyone knows the images of people ‘having coffee’ on Museumplein or rioting in the shopping street in Den Bosch. That polarization is no longer a situation far away became clear to me when I tried to plan a weekend getaway with friends.
COVID as a wedge driver
In these uncertain COVID times, it's nice to have something to look forward to, we thought. A weekend getaway with friends and their partners seemed like a good idea. Friends who've known each other for a long time, are in the same stage of life, like-minded with similar backgrounds. Couldn't be better, we thought.
The question of ‘should we get Covid cancellation insurance or not?’ immediately led to heated discussions in the app group. From a seemingly innocent question to a camp debate from the trenches:
By now, everyone is tired of staying at home. When it's finally possible to see friends again, it's striking how easily conversations can become ignited. Both sides end up angry, each convinced of their own righteousness.
Why does the other person think that way?
When the differences are large, experience shows that it's rarely effective to present facts or arguments. If you feel misunderstood, a chart with Covid statistics won't be a solution. Even though we know this, it's incredibly difficult not to fall into a judgmental discussion.
To move past a polarizing situation like COVID discussions, it helps to acknowledge that the issue has multiple sides. It doesn't help to automatically label people as conspiracy theorists or as Rutte followers (I hear both terms). That requires quite a bit of self-control.
What becomes clear from the example is that we all have different frames of reference, largely determined by our personal circumstances: the networks we belong to, our work, our education, or past experiences. As the child of a shopkeeper, you empathize with local small businesses; with a background in healthcare, you more easily put yourself in the shoes of hospital staff. Social media increasingly guides how we see things, with clever algorithms also ensuring we stay in our bubble.
We all suffer from tunnel vision
We hear and see the same press conference or news broadcast, yet we pick out different things. Everyone assesses situations in their own way. This personal ordering of reality is our perception. Perception happens without us noticing, and our frame of reference plays a significant role in this.
When we want to connect with people about exciting topics or, as in my case, plan a weekend getaway, it helps to explore each other's perspectives, even if you think you have all the answers. You are probably also quite selective about the information you consume. It's good to realize that you also have tunnel vision.
The Value of Unscheduled Time
During this period of working from home, we form our opinions with one or a few housemates. We meet few people, and the time to listen to others' motivations is often short. The distance from each other, the lack of contact, fuels misunderstanding. It only makes clear how easily conversations go wrong and emotionally charged discussions can derail. The text messages in the app group with my friends are a simple example of this. Although we don't have to meet at the office or with friends daily, the lockdown proves how essential encounters with others are for our work and our own lives.
My advice: make more time for conversations without pressure or a fixed list of talking points. Unplanned time to understand each other again and to be able to take an unplanned detour.
